Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Episode 21[1]
ANIMATION: a sketch about an archaeological find leads to:
CAPTION: ”ARCHAEOLOGY TODAY”
Interview set for archaeology program. Chairman and two guests sit in chair in front of a blow-up of an old cracked pot.
Interviewer Hello. On ”Archaeology Today” tonight I have with me Professor Lucien Kastner of Oslo University.
Kastner Good evening.
Interviewer How tall are you, professor?
Kastner ... I beg your pardon?
Interviewer How tall are you?
Kastner I'm about five foot ten.
Interviewer ... and an expert in Egyptian tomb paintings. Sir Robert ... (turning to Kastner) are you really five foot ten?
Kastner Yes.
Interviewer Funny, you look much shorter than that to me. Are you slumped forward in your chair at all?
Kastner No, er I...
Interviewer Extraordinary. Sir Robert Eversley, who's just returned from the excavations in El Ara, and you must be well over six foot. Isn't that right, Sir Robert?
Sir Robert (puzzled) Yes.
Interviewer In fact, I think you're six foot five aren't you?
Sir Robert Yes.
Applause from off. Sir Robert looks up in amazement.
Interviewer Oh, that's marvelous. I mean you're a totally different kind of specimen to Professor Kastner. Straight in your seat, erect, firm.
Sir Robert Yes. I thought we were here to discuss archaeology.
Interviewer Yes, yes, of course we are, yes, absolutely, you're absolutely right! That's positive thinking for you. (to Kastner) You wouldn't have said a thing like that, would you? You five-foot-ten weed. (he turns his back very ostentatiously on Kastner) Sir Robert Eversley, who's very interesting, what have you discovered in the excavations at El Ara?
Sir Robert (picking up a beautiful ancient vase) Well basically we have found a complex of tombs...
Interviewer Very good speaking voice.
Sir Robert ... which present dramatic evidence of Polynesian influence in Egypt in the third dynasty which is quite remarkable.
Interviewer How tall were the Polynesians?
Kastner They were...
Interviewer Sh!
Sir Robert Well, they were rather small, seafaring...
Interviewer Short men, were they... eh? All squat and bent up?
Sir Robert Well, I really don't know about that...
Interviewer Who were the tall people?
Sir Robert I'm afraid I don't know.
Interviewer Who's that very tall tribe in Africa?
Sir Robert Well, this is hardly archaeology.
Interviewer The Watutsi! That's it - the Watutsi! Oh, that's the tribe, some of them were eight foot tall. Can you imagine that. Eight foot of Watutsi. Not one on another's shoulders, oh no - eight foot of solid Watutsi. That's what I call tall.
Sir Robert Yes, but it's nothing to do with archaeology.
Interviewer (knocking Sir Robert's vase to the floor) Oh to hell with archaeology!
[1] abbreviated from [link]
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